Just fell off a train. Bad.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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