why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
