it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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