TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
