I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
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