Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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