I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
