I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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