I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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