Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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