Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Jerry, you need to find god
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
