hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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