i wish starbucks made bloody marys
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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