She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
