Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
