you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
