I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
