Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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