I wish my penis had an off switch
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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