is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
