you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
