you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
