i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
