Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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