tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
there is glitter all over my balls
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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