This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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