i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
