i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
