I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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