yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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