someone threw a dead crab at me
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
