All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
