I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
