Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I can't put those talents on a resume
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
