I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
