I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
