He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
