i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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