I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
