So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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