She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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