Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
