Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This toilet bowl is my home.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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