mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
