fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
