You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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