is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
