Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
