I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
