We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
