I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
send nudes
from the living room?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
